If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
