turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
