I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
