I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
