do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
