I look better un-naked...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
