So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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