i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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