Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
