You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
