You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i think i have two assholes
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
