you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
