I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
