Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
