Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
