im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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