I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
