just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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