I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
