btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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