so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
