Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just pynch a tree in the face
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
