Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
