on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
