he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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