And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
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He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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