I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
