i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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