Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
