I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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