Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
