Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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