Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
