You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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