Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.