Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
