we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
