hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
