He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
