We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
