im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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