hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
