I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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