Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just found puke in my bra..
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
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Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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