You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
