Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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