HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My penis needs a shock collar
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
