RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
