the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
