I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
