make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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