I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
