this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
