Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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