Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
