me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
