Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
