Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
