Pants 0. Shit 1.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
