got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
