TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
