He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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