The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
