On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
