your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
