That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
