so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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