I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
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