A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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