No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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